Lil Monster's Blog

2003-11-29T08:52:00.000-08:00

At last, some of my friends are back. After spending a week plus of holiday with me myself and I, finally some friends are back to brighten up my days. =o)

Although i've been out with my mummy and maybe a couple of times with my school friends, it's still really different. Now that my other friends are back, i can finally just give them a ring and we can just go out anytime. Guess it's also because they can drive and my mummy knows them. So she trusts them to take me out. Hehehe.. These are a bunch of friends that i grew up with. And they are a lot older then me. At least by three years (some even 7 years older). But surprisingly, we get along really well.

Just yesterday, a friend came by the house to use the internet (her's is down). We went out for lunch with her sisters and her mummy. Right after that, we went to Easy-Way to have a drink with another friend. It was really funny too cause before we decided to go to Easy-Way, they were asking me where i would like to go. And since the weather was so HOT yesterday, i said i would love to go to Kundasang. We ended up...in Likas Square. Their logic was that Likas Square was just as cool as Kundasang. So we just walked around Likas Square (eventhough there was nothing to look at) to cool ourselves down. Then we went to Easy-Way.

At around 4pm, they sent me home. Was filled with liquid (cause i had a drink). Came in the house, switched on the fan and the lights and was just about to on the TV when i heard someone outside. It was ANOTHER friend of mine who just got back the day before. He came to take me out to Yamcha. Couldn't actually decline since he was already there. I didnt have a drink this time but have a couple of slices of bread (in Kuan Ah, Foh Sang).

I was so stuffed by the time i really reached home. Couldn't have my dinner that night. Hehehehe... Well, it does seem like i'm going to put on some weight (maybe i've already done so). But i dont think i'd give up going out with my friends. Time spent with friends are just not wasted... Hopefully i would be dicipline enough to stop eating when it's been enough. =o)

Oh..and CHRISTMAS IS COMING SOON too.. Woo Hoo.. Gotta start my christmas shopping.. Hehehe.. Can't wait. An early MERRY CHRISTMAS to all.. =o)

2003-11-21T05:07:00.000-08:00

Yee Pee.. My Streamyx is done. So i'm using my COMP at last. It feels really good to sit here and come online again. And the connection is really good too.

Yesterday, my mummy had to go back to school cause the UPSR results were out. So she woke me up around 8a.m asking me to tidy up some of my stuff. We've actually started spring cleaning but my things were just everywhere and i really needed to tidy then up. I didn't wake up immediately, but only after another hour. Took my time washing up then went downstairs to clear up one of my drawers.

There was just so much stuff in there. It was really cool actually cause i found some really special things that i hadn't thought about. Found a few cards from few 'long lost' friends and some other little little stuff. It was really special. Then my maid was talking to me from the kitchen. She was asking about some left-overs in the pot. I didn't remember any so i decided to go take a look.

I didn't mean to rush, but i didn't know she was half way through moping the kitchen. I step into the kitchen and slipped. Fell hard on my butt. Slammed my toe into a cupboard. And hit my elbow on the little parting of the dining room and the kitchen (the part that's kind of like a little step). My gosh, it hurt so much. I didn't really feel my other body parts hurt cause my foot just hurt too much.

It was kindda bleeding since i scraped my toe. The middle one on my right. It felt like i broke something or sprained it or SOMETHING. I couldn't straighten my toe. My whole foot was red. Finally, after getting off the floor, i got some medicine to apply onto my scraped toe. Couldn't feel the pain cause my whole toe hurt even more. I thought that i should just let in rest for a while and wait for the pain to go (since normally that is what would happen after banging into something right?). But after 10 minutes, it didn't get any better. It was red and swollen. I couldn't walk properly. So i just sat there waiting for my mummy to get back.

When my mummy got back, she said we were going to the hospital for an X-ray cause my toe didn't look good. Then she changed her mind. We were going to the chinese doctor since we would go there anyway (after seeing a proper doctor). The chinese doctor barely touched my toe and said that it was nothing. No bone damage. Gave us some medicine (which made my toe hot and looked like peanut-butter). Only when we reached home did i realize the part around my toe-knuckle was all blue. Couldn't do anything by then.

I took off the little bandage that the doctor put around my blue toe when i took my shower. I put it on a table in my mummy's room. When i got out from the showers, IT WAS FILLED WITH ANTS...literally FILLED. Like ants were just all over it. It was really gross.

A friend was telling me that he too hit his toe somewhere and went to see the chinese doctor. His toe swelled up but the doctor said that there was nothing wrong too. And he gave my friend the same peabut-butter he gave me. After a few days, my friend went to see a proper doctor and found out that his toe actually had a crack in it.

My toe seems fine now. Still a little swollen. Still blue. And i'm still limping. But i think it's a lot better...i think. Just hope that the chinese doctor was right about my toe.. Oh, but i just found out that there's a huge blue-black on my elbow. Hasn't turned blue yet but it really hurts..

Besides falling down during the holiday...i've also been going for singing lessons. =o) *Blush* Today i went for my second lesson. And according to the teacher, i'm doing really well. I've learnt the proper technique and i've been asked to sing la-la-la-la-la-la-la.. It's kindda funny. I was asked to lie one the table to practice. Only today did i get to stand in front of a mirror to see myself sing (which is even funnier). And there are some 'hand movements' as well.. Heheheh.. Hopefully i'd be able to sing soon. *wink*

2003-11-16T06:15:00.000-08:00

There's been just so much that happened since the last time i blogged. My modem is still down. Trying to get streamyx now. Hopefully we'll get it done soon.

School is out. Two weeks now. I actually had tuition for the whole of last week. So this week is my first week of holiday. =o) And i'm getting the hang of it...*smiles* .. There's this kimia project that i have to finish. But i haven't even started on it. Will have to get started by tomorrow so that i can 'relax' during the rest of my holiday.

My holiday has been great so far. My sisters are coming back for christmas so we aren't going anywhere for the holidays..Until last week that is. My uncle just told me that he was going to KL in December and would like to bring me along. At first i didn't really want to go eventhough it would be really fun. That was because my third sis would be coming home on the same day that my uncle was going to KL. So i said that maybe i shouldn't go. But in the end, we arranged for my sis to come along as well. So now, we're going to KL on the 9th. Going to Genting, Penang, Pulau Langkawi then going back to KL to do some shopping...i think. So all is great. =o)

I also went to Gaya Street the other day. A friend wanted to go look at some fish so we decided to go along since it had been ages since we went to Gaya Street. We didn't go too early. I think we went around 8 or 9am. It was getting warm..but not too warm yet. We got a really cool car park. No sun and not too far away. Started walking towards the street. And just at the beginning of the street, my mummy asked me to look at the family standing there. It took me a while to notice that a lilttle boy, trying to hide behind his mummy. He couldn't have been more that 10 years old. And his mummy was carrying his little sister. He was actually hiding from his dad. His dad seemed really mad about something and was trying to hit the little boy. The little boy was crying and was really scared. His mummy couldn't and didn't do anything. The man had and umbrella in his hand and at some point, he tried to hit his son with it. It really hurt me to see someone do that to his own child in public. I even told my mummy that i didn't want to go anywhere so that i didn't have to see these sort of things happen. What i really couldn't take was coming across these sort of things and yet not be able to do a single thing. The more i thought about it, the sadder i became. And i was sure that uncountable similar incidents were happening and i just could not do anything. And to add to my frustration, i saw some beggers sitting by the road, hands out, asking for sympathy, and begging for money. I guess that was kind of normal, but it still really struck me.

On that very same day, i was comforted by the sight of some fathers, unlike the one before, who really loved their children. They carried their sons on their shoulder and were chatting away happily with them. It was really nice to see that some fathers do love their kids. I might just sound so stupid or silly. But i really get affected by these sort of stuff. Just cannot imagine why people treat each other that way. Why can't they be a bit more understanding and a little bit kindder. Those by the road too. So many people just walk by without looking at them. I accept the fact that i cannot change all these, but i sure do wish that i could.

2003-09-10T02:33:00.000-07:00

I actually wanted to blog about my trip to Selangor. But i'm kindda having a headache. So i think i'll leave that for another day. There was just so many things that happened, i'd need a clear mind to recall stuff. =o)

Today, Sam and i had a little talk. I was sort of being told off for looking mad whenever i was mad. She was telling me that i looked really sour when i didnt like something. So i had to explain myself. People seem to have labelled me as a person who gets angry easily. I don't understand why, but according to Sam, she says it's just the way i look. I feel that that's a really lame excuse. As far as i'm concern, i've always tried to keep cheerful. But i guess when people already think that i'm bad tempered, they just don't see the times that i am happy.

It's like whenever i'm my happy self, people have it in their minds that "Victoria is gonna burst any moment now"..So they try to be soft with me and treat me like a, so to say, a queen. It's not a good thing. That means they don't feel comfortable around me and they can't treat me normal. And that can be a little irritating. But then again, when i do get upset, they tell me..."Don't be upset over little things. And don't show that you are mad cause you look really fierce,"..and stuff like that. The fact is that i don't go all out to show that i am angry at the whole world, (that's what people think i'm trying to do). I just try to shut up and cool myself off. And then i'll be alright in a jiffy.

But i guess when it's set in their mind's eye that i get angry easily and show it on purpose, even keeping quiet would seem like i was mad. That's the thing i really cannot understand. Do i have to keep on a happy face even when i am mad? (I do try to do that, just that sometimes it's just not possible since i'm a human too). Or should i just fulfill everyone's imagination about me being hot tempered?

I use to care so much about what people think about me. I use to try and please everyone. But people still can't see who i really am. They seem to judge by looks and assume what sort of person i am, then don't give me a chance to show the real me. So now, starting from right now, i'm not gonna care about what others think about me. Since they already have a made-up image of me in their head, i shall not bother to help them change it. I have been trying to do just that for long enough now, and it hasn't changed a thing. As long as i know who i am inside, and my closest friends understand too, i already have all i could ever ask for.

2003-09-10T01:17:00.000-07:00

It was a typical school day. We were talking and joking around like usual. It was raining heavily, the kind that made you think you were sitting under a waterfall. She and I were laughing real loud because we noticed that no one else could hear us. And we just decided to do silly stuff since no one was paying attention to us. She was making funny faces at the whole class but still no one looked at her. It was really funny. Then she started singing. No, actually i did. And it was even funnier because we both knew i sang like a cow. But then again, since we were the only who could hear each other, i took the opportunity to make it rain even harder. =o) I was singing a malay song that i had hear on TV (which was really weird cause i hardly know any malay songs) and we were just laughing our head off.

Then it was her turn. She tried to think off the ugliest song we had ever heard. "Miss you, Miss you, Miss you like crazy...." she sang. Hahahahahahaha....I couldn't tell what song it was at first. But her expressions were enough. It was hilarious. "Whose song is that dude," i asked. "THE MOFFATS....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...." she replied. We burst out laughing for at least a whole minute. The Moffats had been the hottest boy band like 5 years ago. And here she was singing thier song with full emotions. She said she used to remember the whole song's lyrics but not anymore.

Then, just because she was so funny, i dared her to sing it out loud for people to hear. Suddenly, i thought that i would be funnier if she had to sing it to a guy-teacher. So i dared her. And offered to reload her handphone for her as a reward. =oP She said yes instantly. She was to raise up her hand and pretend to ask the teacher a question. But the catch was that her question had to be whether he had ever heard of the song "Miss you like crazy." And she had to sing it to him. She said she was brave and that she would be able to do it. So we went along with our plan.

Only during the next day did we get a chance to complete the dare. We were at the physics lab and the teacher was teaching..(obviously). When he finally stopped teaching and gave us some time to ask questions, we had a big fuss as whether to go on with the dare or not. She was feeling nervous already and had second thoughts. But then i called out to the teacher for her so she had to do it. I held me breath as she ask "Teacher, have you ever heard of this song?" Shot me a quick glance then continued, "Listen okay, i'm gonna sing it to you now."
"Okay, i'm listening," he said leaning forward nearer to her.
I couldn't stop laughing. I couldn't believe that she was doing it. Most of all, i couldnt believe she had ask him to listen up. I thought she would have just sang the song quickly so that he couldn't catch it. "Miss you...Miss you...Miss you like crazy..." she sang.

We thought he had forgotten about the incident. But as she was walking pass him the next day, she complained that she was being bullied. And all the teacher said was, "Just stop fighting, and continue your singing." Gosh...it was really funny. She was so embarrassed. (Imagine singing a song like that to a male teacher). Hahahahah....

The morale of the story? Just be yourself and don't be afraid of making a fool out yourself. Because that is when you have the most fun... =o)

2003-08-18T05:52:00.000-07:00

It's been raining heavily today. The rain just stopped an hour ago. But before that, it was pouring cats and dogs. The type of weather i love best. The kind where if you stood under the rain, your skin would hurt from the drops of water falling on you like rocks. The kind where you can't hear yourself when you spoke.

Earlier this morning, i was 'summoned' to the school office by a friend. I didn't know what was happening and she didn't want to tell me either. It wasn't until i was inside Mrs. Lim's room did i know that i was asked to join a competition. We were to go to KL on Sunday. I was really confused since they had already chosen four people to join in this competition. I voiced out my confusion and they told me that they need 3 girls and 2 guys as they had 3 boys and a girl. One of my guy friend had already left the group and another girl took his place instead. So now, they were short of one girl. If I joined the competition, what i had to do was present the information that we had gathered and also help out in preparing the presentation on the computer. I thought about it for a while and decided that i should be only be their last choice. That they should look for some other people and only come back to me if they really need to, if they couldn't find anyone else.

So i waited for their feedback. And by recess, they told me that they couldn't find anyone and that i should join them. I really didn't mind joining them since this would also be a new experience for me. I called my mum from school to ask her permission (they need an answer right away) but couldn't get through. I didn't really want to ask me Dad because i knew that my mom would understand me better. In the end, i was left with no choice but to call him up.

True enough, my Dad didn't seem to get what i was saying. He sounded really worried when i told him that i wanted (or needed) to go to KL. "Is this thing organised by the school?" he ask. I tried telling him all the details and yet he didn't really approve. He should be proud and should understand that i was doing this for the school. Why was he doubting me. I thought. "Who else is involved in this?" he asked again.
"Five student from my class."
"All boys?" he asked in a higher tone.
"No... 3 girls and 2 guys."
After a short pause, i asked, "So? Am i allowed to go or not? If you want to know more about it, ask Mom."
"Was this the same KL trip you were telling Mom about the other day?" he asked.
"Yeah." I replied after thinking for a while. I did mention my classmates going to KL for a competition to my Mom the other day. But what i didn't realise was that my Dad was talking about another KL trip i was talking about in the car. I was asking my parents whether i could go for an end-of-the-year trip to KL with a couple of friends. And their answer? A definte NO.

That was why Daddy was so reluctant to let me go. He thought that i was using this as an excuse. That i was telling a wide lie. After realising this. I quickly explained that i was talking about a different KL trip and that this one was part of a school thingy. As soon as he understood me, he said i could go. (I spent 10 minutes trying to explain myself).

I told the teacher in charge that i had permission then gave her my name and I/C number. That was when i struck me.... I was going to KL for a competition that other people had worked for. The guy that had stepped out was really good with the computer and also good in speaking and yet he wasn't going. Instead, they sent me. Silly ol' me. And i think he really wanted to go. Since he was really into stuff like these. I couldn't even look at him when i got to class because i was feeling so bad. I didn't mind going to KL. But I would have prefered it very much if he was the one who went. I really couldn't help feeling guilt. He had the experience, (not to mention the brains) to do it. And he was the one that was there from the very beginning. He even went for the little workshop that i couldn't bother about. (The more i think about it the worse i feel.)

I wish i could tell him how bad i feel about this whole thing. He must be thinking that they are so stupid to have let him go and 'recruited' me instead. I hope i can help this team of people out in the competition and not let people think that i went just for fun. Because i am feeling really bad. Hope my gloominess would go away real soon... =o(

2003-08-15T08:43:00.000-07:00

It's August and National Day is coming soon. Normally I dont really bother about the occasion. All i would celebrate for is that i do not have to go to school. But in school today, it was more then just another occasion. We were each given a piece of paper with Malaysia's flag printed on it. And we had to color the flag. It did seem really childish, but we had fun doing it. Brought back those memories of our kindergarten years. =o)

Oh... and...I GOT A NEW HANDPHONE...woooo hooo.... It's like after so long, at last i get MY OWN HANDPHONE. It was the 27th of July, 1:30pm. Walked into the handphone shop with my uncle just to look around. Wasn't planning to buy a phone since my mummy said to just have a look around. That was when i saw her. She was just sitting there, waiting for me to notice her. And i did. Couldn't take my eyes off of her. Then i asked that i took at closer look at her. (Of course it was just a model of her sitting there. They brought the 'real' her to me when i asked).

She had a coloured screen and polyphonic ringtone. I could change the back of her cover to any patern i liked. (I think you'd need to see her to understand). Then my uncle said, "Okay, take her". I said i couldn't take her so quickly because i had to ask my mummy's oppinion first. But he insisted on me taking her right away. He took out his credit card and paid right away. =op

I couldn't believe it because i hadn't expected my uncle to get the handphone for me. I tried to pay him back. But all he said was, "No. This is my gift to you. Just take good care of it and dont lose it okay. Keep the money for a rainy day".... I even tried asking my mummy to pay him back, but he said the same thing.

I not only got a new handphone, but also a great uncle. I mean, how many people are that generous? Don't think there are too many around these days. Glad that he's my uncle. Now i know how much he loves me and that generousity still exists.

2003-07-04T08:43:00.000-07:00

Haven't blogged for quite some time. Some people were saying that i only came to blog about 'sad' stuff. In a way it's true. But i was about to blog about what a great day i had right when i heard about my friend who was in the accident. He's a lot better now. Still hasn't recovered much. But at least his face has some color and he can move a little bit more. He still can't talk or do anything much, so he'll need some time to recover.

Anyway, before i heard about my friend, i had a blast down town with a couple of friends. I haven't been out with this group of friends for a very long time and i didn't expect us to have so much fun that day. We were kindda tired from being on duty at Palm Square that day. And we hadn't planned to do anything 'fun' or anything. But i suddenly felt like doing something a little bit more crazy. So we went to the basement's arcade to take some pictures. STICKER PHOTOS. =o)

It was really fun. First, we used the machined that requested us to take 6 pictures with different poses each time... CONTINOUSLY !! So we were really excited and didn't know exactly what to do. It was really fast and we were basically laughing, and not smiling, by the end of 6 shots. We chose the nicest ones and printed them out. And i think that they really looked cool.

Then we went to another sticker-photo machine. And i think we spent like 30 minutes in there just taking our picture. Since we could 're-take' our picture as many time as we liked, until we were satisfied, we took like 10 thousand pictures before choosing the ones we liked. And we had so much fun just thinking of poses to pose for the camera. Then seeing all the silly poses and looks on our faces made it even funnier. That was a time where none of us could hide the silly part of ourselves...and the not-so-pretty side too. But it was just plain fun time. I had a blast. And sort of couldn't stop smiling even after leaving the mall.

It's a wonder how little little things like these can effect me so much. Guess that's just me. And things like these are what makes life so much more worth living.

2003-06-23T06:06:00.000-07:00

Had quite a day today. Got news that a friend was in the hospital. Actually, i had heard about it yesterday. But since i was so tired from having to reach Palm Square by 7:30am, and having to get all the stuff ready for the bazaar, i only thought about what i had heard for less than 5 minutes before thinking of how tired i was again. His chances for survival was slim, they told me. He could just 'go' anytime soon. When my friends reminded me about that at school today, i couldn't stop thinking about him.

He use to study in Lok Yuk right until this year. We were quite close when he was still around. We weren't the best of friends but we had our fun times together. We knew each other since i was in form one, but seemed to have grown further apart when a friend left school. We still greeted each other and and chatted occasionally. He was always a great guy. So when it finally struck me this morning, that he was involved in an accident, and was in a coma, and might just lose his life, i was really worried. He was so young. He had his whole life ahead of him. Even if we hadn't been best friends the last year he was still in school, he was still my friend.

I went to the hospital to visit right after school. Students from our school crowded the ward. Where is he? I thought. Then i saw him. I took a few more steps to have a closer look. And still i couldn't tell that it was him. He was on a support machine. He had needles sticking into him hands as if it was nobody's business. His head was swollen as was his neck. There was a cloth stuffed into his nostril to stop the bleeding. Cotton inside his ears to stop the bleeding too. There was no one by his bed so i went up to him. Just to let him know that i was there. I noticed that his eyelids were filled with noticable blood-clots. Like dried up blood after a fall. They told me that he was bleeding. Eyes, ears and nose altogether. Just one glance, one glance. That was enough to make my palms go ice-cold. I didn't expect it to be like this. I couldn't believe that that was him. All i could do was stand there and say a little prayer for him. Praying that he would be alright. That he may be able to see that there were so many people who loved and cared about him.

I couldn't stay long because i had a piano lesson that i coulnd't miss. I was already late. Anyway, there were so many other people around who wanted to have a word or two with him. So i decided on coming back later in the evening. If i could...

I did. When i got there, some friends of mine were just about to leave. They had been there long enough and had other stuff to do as well. I got to talk to my friends mum. She told me a little about what happened. He wasn't driving. He was at the passenger's seat and they were going to Karambunei. Their car skidded off the road and turned over several times. That was all she could tell. With much courage, she reminded us to take her son as a reminder not to speed. I'm sure it was really hard to tell other youngsters to do that when her own sons was in so much pain.

I stayed on for quite some time. A couple of nurses came by to take the fluid out from his throat and stuff. They turned off the support machine and started pumping air into his lungs manually. I could see his chest rising and falling with every squeeze of the air pump. It wasn't a pretty scene. Then the other nurse started pushing a tube through his mouth into his throat. That was when he moved..!! He brought he knees up and tried to arch his back. His mummy quickly rushed to his side, telling him to relax and to not be afraid. The nurses were just trying to help him feel better. They tried a couple more times, pushing the tube in. But had to pull it out again because he seemed uncomfortable. After a few tries, they stopped and put him on the electrical support machine again.

After that, we tried talking to him. AND HE RESPONDED..!! His mummy asked him if he heard us. He nodded. Was he hurting? The shook his head as an answer. I told him that i was there and he nodded again. My gosh, you can't believe how happy i felt. Tears started to weld up in my eyes. He could hear me. He couldn't talk or see me, but he heard me and he responded. He tried opening his eyes to see but his vision hadn't recovered. But a nod was enough. His mum started calling relatives and friends to tell them the good news. All the while, she patted him to show him that she was right beside him.

I left after an hour. It was really emotional to see him revive like that. He was expected to have no hope if he hadn't gotten up from his coma by 3am. But he did. It was miraculous. And him being able to respond to my voice and reconising me was enough to lift up my spirits... I am really glad he made it. Can't express how i feel just by typing. Words aren't enough to contain my joy. He is still in the hospital and hopefully, he is on his way to to recovery...

2003-06-20T01:47:00.000-07:00

After school today, i went to a shop outside my housing area for a late lunch. The shop was nearly empthy since it was way past lunch time. It was then that i saw HIM. He was a middle age man. Maybe in his forties. He was sitting alone at a small, round table. I was to take away. So after placing my order, i sat a couple of tables away from that man while waiting.

He, like people who went to a coffee shop, was having his lunch. But what i noticed was that his 'plate of rice' that he was eating, was literally a plate of rice. There wasn't any meat or vegetable to go with his lunch. He didn't notice me, but i stared at his plate for a couple of seconds wondering what had he ordered that didn't include anything else but rice? The rice though, wasn't all white. There was some color to it. So maybe he had finished his meat or vegetables before i came in, i thought. But that couldn't be possible since he had just started his meal.

I realized that i was staring and quickly turn my attention to the other things around me. Maybe he didn't have money to buy food, i heard myself think. Maybe he couldn't afford a proper meal and could only have plain rice with soy sauce and a glass of cold water. As soon as i caught myself thinking about that, i shook my head trying to erase that thought. How could i be so judgemental. Who was i to think about someone like that. How could i even imagine such a thing. For all i know, he might have been a millionaire 'disguised' as a not-so-rich-man to avoid attention. And maybe he liked what he was eating. I had no rights at all the look down on a man who was simply having his lunch.

But then again, i couldn't help but notice that he was swallowing his food rather more than eating it. And he washed every two mouths full or rice down his throat with water. He also had a bowl of soup. I think it was just plain soup. There i was AGAIN, making guesses and thoughts that were not nessecary. I tried my best to NOT LOOK. But the more i tried, the more i wanted to stare. In the end, i gave in to my curiosity. I made sure he didn't notice me. Not that he cared. Or that he noticed anyone else around him. I observed for another couple of minutes and saw that he had finished his 'meal'.

Since i was near the counter, i could hear the owner of the shop asking her maids whether there was anymore rice left in the kitchen at just about the same time as the man had finished his meal. By that time, my order was ready and i was preparing to leave. Then i saw the owner take the man's plate and added some rice for him. It was then that i understood. I over heard her asking him how many days had he not eaten. And he had answered, three to four days now. I couldn't believe it. Before i left, i managed to get a glimpse or the owner filling the man's plate of rice with some meat and vegetable. I guess i wasn't the only who pitied him. The owner must have tried to make his meal more delicious as she could efford to do that. It was past lunch time anyway, and the food that hadn't been sold out would have been thrown away or wasted.

In the car, i was thinking about it. It really touched me that there were people out there who were that kind. It isn't everyday that a business man or woman would give you a free meal. But today, that was what i saw. I saw an act of kindness. An act plainly out of love. That could have been that man's last meal, and i'm sure it would have been the most delicious meal ever. Because it was filled with love from a stranger.

2003-06-12T05:09:00.000-07:00

My fish hasn't been able to swim upright yet. He might really have an identity crisis. Maybe he has a split identity. Like he thinks he is a whale, and a flounder, but forgets that he is just a normal fish. *sigh* He looks a lot more active and healthy. But he is still lying sideways. Can't do anything but wait and see what happens i guess.

The weather these few days has just been great. A little drizzly.. a little windy...The kind of weather that makes you feel that you never want to wake up in the morning. Especially when you know you have to wake to go to school. Like in school today, it was kind of chilly. But this is the kind of weather i just love. I sat by the window just staring at the trees around, and realized how peaceful it could be. I didn't have to think about anything. I could have just sat there with nothing in mind, enjoying the wind. Just how nice would it be if everyday's weather was like today. I seriously think that we could enjoy school even more that way. No stress, no worries, no tention, no pressure, no SWEAT.

Was also thinking about my friends. I know this sounds really old fashioned. But i'm really glad to have the friends i have around me. There's this friend who just makes me laugh at just about everything. Hanging out with her means endless laughter. I just can't help but be happy when i'm around her. Of course there are the "serious" moments too. Where we do talk about proper stuff. But by the end of our conversation, we would just have more things to laugh about. I know i do most of the talking most of the time, but somehow she makes it seem as if it's alright for me to do that. =o) At least that's how i feel when i am talking. =o) Hope i'm correct.Heheheh... I do thank God for giving her to me. And i hope i am as much of a friend to her as she is to me.

There are some other friends whom i don't too as often. But that doesn't mean they aren't my friends. I might not be considered a friend to them since i rarely speak to them. But they have really taught me a million lessons. I really wish i could show them that they are a part of my life. A very important part. And i wish they could get to know me a little bit more so that they can 'accept' me too. Cause i know, somehow, they think that i don't care about them or that i'm too stuck up to be friends with them.

I hope i will come to know where my weaknesses are so that i can change for the better. I'm not saying that i will be able to please everyone or i'm going to 'change' over night just to be accepted. I'm saying that i value friendship. I hope that all my friends would understand this and would help me improve so that i may be able to keep their friendship forever. Without my friends, i wouldn't be the cutie i am today. =o) *wink*

2003-06-06T08:13:00.000-07:00

MY FISH MIGHT BE DYING...!!!

Two days ago, my Kaloi was swimming on one side. Like he was facing sideways. And he was often at the bottom of his house. I noticed it but thought that he was just 'having fun'. But i started to worry about him cause it stayed like that for quite some time. Then just now, my sister asked me to watch him go up to the surface for air. I sat there for a couple of minutes. And when he did swim up to the surface, it was like he thought that he was a whale. Cause somehow, he breathed in some air, went underwater, released bubbles, went back up for air, and repeated the whole thing a few times before sinking to the bottom again.

It was the first time i've seen any fish do that. And it was really weird. So my sister called her friend, who had a Kaloi too. He said that by the looks of it, my fish might be infected by some kind of fungus or germ or something like that. So my sister and i were to take out some water and change it with fresh water. Her friend then came by to lend us some medicine.

I was sitting next to my fish after that. And i really saw some 'stuff' swimming about. We couldn't get them all out. The only thing we could do was to put some salt and some medicine. And hope fully by tomorrow he'll be alright. At the moment, he is still swimming side ways. And is still at the bottom of the aquarium. There were some white stuff that looked like mucus on his fin. And we tried to clean them. I really hope my Kaloi doesn't die. He's not the most beautiful fish, but he still is mine. And somehow, i do love him. So i'll hope that i have good news tomorrow.

2003-05-14T03:18:00.000-07:00

We were sitting at our dining table. Talking about students from my mom's school. My mom is teaching in a primary school. One in Sembulan. Not many people have heard of it and it's a school that the illegal imigrates send their kids to. My mom was telling us about how the student there were like.

Because they are majority are illegal imigrates, most of them cannot get packet milk that the government give for free. Like the one we use to get when we were in primary school. The ones that we use to play with and waste. The ones that some of us brought home to give to our dogs to drink. Or the ones that boys use to throw each other with. The student at my mom's school didn't get any of these milk even if they hadn't eaten a few days. They don't even know the taste or cheap government milk. They could only sit there staring longingly at some of the very few student who did get those packet milk. And even if there were boxes of left over and the kids wanted to bring just one packet home for their baby sister or brother because they didn't have enough money to buy milk, they couldn't. Because that was the rule, that non-Malaysian couldn't take any government milk.

There was also a little girl in my mom's class. Everyday, she wore a set of uniform that was the color of coffe to school. When my mom asked why she was so lazy to wash her clothes, her reply was "It's not that i am lazy teacher, it's just that i don't have any soap at home to wash my clothes. Not even some to wash myself with.." ..When my mom heard this, she couldn't say or do anything but sympathize for that little girl. Then she noticed that that little girl wasn't the only one who had the same problem. So in class, Mommy made a deal with all her students. She promised them that if they did well in their tests or exams, they will each get a little surprise. So since that day, Mommy rewarded those who got better grades and those who improved with a bar of soap. This will sound really silly and cheap to a lot of people but those kids out there....a bar of soap really changed their lives. The could now clean themselves. And wear some clean clothes for a change.

There was also once a little boy who couldn't stop crying. When my mom asked him what the problem was, he said he wanted to go home because he had a really bad tummy ache. Mommy was quite mad cause she thought that he was just trying to make an excuse excape from school. But later she found out that he had a really bad gastric. The little boy said that he didn't eat because his Daddy had left his family and the small sum of money his mommy earned were all used up to buy some milk for his little brother. So my mom asked another little boy to bring him to the canteen for a cup of Milo. The other little boy said that he only had 10 cents and couldn't effort it. Mommy brought both of them to the canteen but could only buy a cup of hot Milo for the little with gastric because if she did buy another cup for the other little boy, it wouldn't be fair to the other students since almost all of them were in the same situation.

One day, Mommy was teaching the class about the family tree. And she explained that everybody's mommy loved them dearly. Then she asked "Who thinks his mommy doesn't love him? " .. Almost instandly a little hand rose up into the air. A little boy had put up his hand without any second thought. My mom was really shocked. So he asked him why he thought that his mommy didn't love me. He answer " Oh because i don't have a mommy. She left me and my brothers and sisters and my daddy and ran away with another man." ... That day onwards, he called my mommy "Ibu angkat".. Mommy really wanted to adopt him but he was a Muslim. So it would have been to difficult.

Oh, and during UPSR last year, Mom had to buy some biscuit and Milo for all the kids sitting for the exam just so that they would have a little energy to sit for it.

I'm not trying to boast about how great and kind my mommy is. It's just that this has really opened up my eyes. I finally realized that there really are some very poor people out there. People who don't have enough money even barely to feed their family. So many people cannot give their children love. So many people longing to have the things that we take for granted. Soap, milk, even a pencil. I was really almost in tears. Sound stupid huh? But i really felt it. And it really hit me. I just can't explain the way i feel. Maybe if i could save a little, then give it to the kids. But then again it was quite impossible. I am still thinking about it. I really want to make a difference like how my mom has. I am sure those kids will appreciate it. There are so many people like that. So many other cases that i want to tell. But there are really too many. So at the moment, all i can do is to appreciate what i have. And not to take for granted anything around me because there are people out there who don't even have the chance to improve their lives.

2003-05-13T02:21:00.000-07:00

Here i am to blog again. It's been a MONTH since i've blogged. But i've just been 'tying' to study for my exams. I still don't think did well cause i didn't study enough. =o(

Last weekend, I went to a friend's house to give tuition. I myself can't believe it. And of all subjects, i'm giving tuition for CHINESE. This is hysterical. Since even my own chinese standards aren't high at all. But since my friend's brother is only in kindergarten, I thought i would just try and help him.

His name is Daryl. And he is 6 years old. At first, he was quite co-orperative. he listened to what i had to say. And he tried to do what was told to be done. He didn't know a word of chinese. So it was really hard. After an hour or so, he got tired and wasn't paying much attention to me anymore. So i had to just let him be. I had to come back the next day to help him with his homework.

When i came back the next day, i had an even tougher time. He really got to my nerves at one point. He was doing very well until his sister walked in. And he suddenly became really lazy. My gosh, he just sat there staring at the ceiling. Not even at me. And when i asked him to finish the last 2 words...i reapeat..the last TWO words, he wouldn't very move a finger. He literally just sat there looking at the ceiling. I had to beg him for 45 minutes just to write one miserable word that he already knew how to write. HE EVEN SPILLED WATER OVER MY HANDPHONE...ARGH...

I was really irritated with him. But after he finished, and after i cooled down, i realized that he could actually do it. And he was being so irritating because he didn't like his sister to be there. So even if he did irritate me that much, i think i'll still be going back to help him this week. I hope i can help him get better grades. And i hope i don't lose my temper. =o)

2003-04-17T02:19:00.000-07:00

It's been more than a week since i last blogged. I've almost forgotten how good it feels to blog.=o)

Today, i had to stay back in school. For a meeting. What meeting? It seems that i'm the co-editor of the school magazine. And today was our 1st meeting. I didn't know what post i was holding until 2 days ago. The form 5 students kept teasing me. "Co-editor of our school magazine!" they called me. I was puzzled at 1st. Then they told me that i was 'nominated'. What a shock it was! I've never done anything near to editing a school magazine. I never even imagined being one.

When i went into the classroom where the meeting was held., i noticed that i was the only form 4 student. I think there are some other form 4s but i was the only one that attended the meeting. It was kindda weird. But the whole team was really nice. They are really fun people. And i think i can work with them.Hehehe...Hope i can.

Well, i'll try my best to do a good job. And i hope it'll all be a success. I think i'll be able to learn a lot of stuff from this group of people.

2003-04-08T03:17:00.000-07:00

It was 9:30pm when she got the phone call. "There was an accident in Telupid that involved a mini van that Davina was in.Two girls were injured and one girl passed away. The two girls are Muslims and the one that passed away, well, they say she's a Kadazan girl." That was what her friend, Mark told her. My sister was so shock she didn't say much. They tried calling Davina but she had left her handphone at home. All they could do was wait for news. But it was a relief to hear that the girl that passed away was Kadazan since Davina was Chinese.

I was shocked to hear about the accident as well. But somehow i managed to doze of on my sofa. I wasn't in a deep sleep. And after 20 minutes, i sort of heard, Davina......comfirmed.... I couldn't understand thier language. I was still half asleep. Was Davina safe and sound? Was it confirmed that she was alright? I sat up. "What? What? What happened to Davina? What's comfirmed?.." They didn't even look at me. "It's confirmed that she passed away."

Those words dawned on me for a couple of minutes. WHAT? Is it true. "Are you guys sure you heard it correctly? Or was there any mistake?" "No, they called up the hospital and it's confirmed." replied my sister's boyfriend. It didn't really bother me. I mean i couldn't belief my ears. But i didn't feel so sad. At least that was 'in the beginning'. She was my sister's friend. And i hardly knew her. She always came to my house to hang out. We went out together a couple of times, but we were never really that close. She was just my sister's friend.

But then again, she was my sister's friend. And we had had good times together. It was really hard to belief that she was really gone. Mark was on the way to my house. Gerard drove. Mark couldn't drive. He was shivering. He just spoke to her the day before and they were just laughing at a joke. And she had to rush off cause she had some work to do. And now...now..now she's gone. Gone forever.

I know it sounds like something that happens only on TV and not in realy life. But it just happened to my sister. A friend that they had taken granted for was now gone. Nobody could belief it. We just sat there for 20 minutes. Trying to get over the shock. It had nothing to do with me. But i really felt the lost as well.

It hit me, and it hit me hard. This was what we never dreamt would happen. Yet it has already pass. We really don't know when will it be our last time we meet our friends or our loved ones. It may be today, it may be tomorrow, it may be in 10 years time. Who knows? Then i realized how important it is to treasure every second of our time together with our loved ones and friends. Even with the people that we don't really like. It's still important.

Nothing can turn back time now. The times that they had fun together were now memories. The times that they hurt each other were now regrets. This isn't one of those mails that you just read in the internet. It really happened. It happened to my sister this time. But it may happen to me next time. This may be the last blog i write as well. Whatever it is, i've learnt that life really is unpredictable. And i should always live life to the fullest. I should tell me friends how much they mean to me whenever i can. I should learn to love all those around me. I should try to achieve all my dreams. I should always put in my fullest in whatever...There're so many things to do. But i'll start by telling you that i really appreciate our friendship and will always love you.

2003-04-06T07:49:00.000-07:00

Life is good.

Woke up this morning to find a handphone box on the table. It wasn't wraped. Just tied up with a bow. So i could see that it was a handphone box. "It must be some just that they are playing on me. Since Daddy was teasing me the whole day yesterday." That was what i was thinking. As i opened it, i saw another little metal box. It had a number writen on a card inside it. They really bought me a handphone? No..it was just a Sim Card. Then there was a little note attached to what seemed to be my sister's handphone. The note read, "Yes, this is for you. Though it's not a 100% dream come thru, it has to work for the time being." I couldn't believe my eyes. I had to ask her a few times whether she was serious before it hit me.

So it's not a new handphone. But hey, i've got my own number now. And i'm gonna change it soon. Just have to find a day to bring my parents down town.=o) That was the beginning of my funfilled Birthday.

Went to the school bazaar. It was the hottest day ever. I've never sweated so much before. But what the heck. It was worth it just to be with some close friends on your Birthday right? It was hot and sticky, but i had a great time. And i actually drank coconut to cool off. Met some people that i haven't seen in ages. So it was really fun.

Then i went for lunch with my family. No where special. Canton House. But it was darn good. This was what you call 'cheap thrills'. After lunch, we were suppose to go shopping. But my mom wasn't feeling too well. So we headed home. When we reached home, my sister was telling my Dad that boy was he wrong for thinking that i was still a 'baby'.."cause look, someone sent her flowers." ....I was dumbfounded when i saw what was on my mom's car. A DOZEN ROSES....I thought it was for her until i saw who it for and who it as from. It was a really nice surprise. I never thought that anyone would actually do that. To deliver A DOZEN ROSES to me on my Birthday (or any other day). It was really really very sweet.

Had a Birthday cheese cake. Oh, and opened my pressies as well. One of them was a hand made shirt. I mean my friend bought a plain black shirt and designed then made it for me on his own. It read 'JESUS'. Really cool...=o) And also received a long distance call from a far-away friend. =o)

Basically, i had a WONDERFUL birthday. And i'm really glad that i could share it with YOU.

2003-04-03T06:30:00.000-08:00

I think this is a better place to blog. Just trying this out at the moment. Trying to improve my Blog Site.

2003-04-03T06:23:00.000-08:00

Had to stay back in school today. Had some stuff to do. Only finished at 5pm. Then followed a friend home. It's easier for my parents to fetch me from her place since they were busy today. As soon as i reached her house, i called for someone to come and fetch me. But i only got screamed at from the other end of the line. It was my sister. She asked where was I. "At my friend's house." was my respond. She told me that i was going "to get it". Still shocked from the sudden 'threaten' i hung up.

Thinking what could i have done wrong, all i could do was sit and wait. Did i leave to door wide open before i left for school. Or did they find out something that i did wrong. Or was it just all a joke. Lot long after thinking just about all the possibilities, i heard the honk of my car. Ran out and into the car. My dad didn't say anything for the 1st few seconds. Then.... "What were you doing in school?" "Had my interact activities" was my honest reply. "And no phone calls at all to say that you'll be late?" He was at the verge of screaming. I told him that i did tell me mom that i'll be late today. And that i was to follow my friend home. *Silence*... Then he spoke. "So you did tell someone that you were going to be late?" This time cooler. "Yes". Then i realized. He was worried sick that i wasn't back in time. And that i didn't even call. That was why i was being questioned in that harsh way.

He told me that my mom didn't tell him what time i was to come home. And he was waiting for my phone call to asked to be picked up. But it never came. So he started to worry. And because my mom went for a meeting, he couldn't contact her to ask about me either. And he was really worried. All the way home, he was telling me what was racing thru his mind for the last 30 minutes. Wondering where i was and what i was doing. Whether i was safe and whether i was still in school. Was i 'abducted' or did i just forget to call. He was explaining how important it is to inform them if i was going to be late even if it meant for half an hour. How horrible is it to be a parent..... To feel anxious all the time. Especially since i'm a girl.

This confession was enough. I understood how much he loved me. I was really touched. And yet i didn't say anything. I don't have a very good relationship with my dad. We talk and chat and once in a while joke. But most of the time we quarrel. Don't know why i just can't be patient with him. He just tends to get on my nerves. I know it isn't nice to say all this, but it's a fact. And i have and i am trying to work on it. So this "confession" really hit me. Now i know that despite all the hurt that i've caused him, he still cares about me that much. I wish i said something. I wish i could tell him how much i care as well. But i just can't find the courage. Can't get myself to say it. Just wish i could let him know that i was sorry and that i'm touched.

2003-04-01T02:19:00.000-08:00

Some people say I'm popular. That's not true. I really don't like people to think of me that way. Hey, i'm human too. They seem to think that 'being popular' means not mixing around. I don't deny having friends of my own, but hey, that's just normal. I really don't like people to think that i'm 'way-up-there' and that we can't be friends.

If i've ever been mean to anyone out there, i would like to apologize. I really hope we can start all over again.

2003-04-01T02:03:00.000-08:00

I came online today, only to find out that some people were making fun about my Blog. *speechless* They said that i was 'Talking to Myself' ......Anyway, it doesn't matter.
Besides that, nothing much happening. Still busy with the "Environmental" stuff.
Oh, just had my oral today. I got 90%. Not as good as i expected. I think i could've done better. But i wasn't allowed to re-do it. Oh well, that was the best i could do. I'll do better in my next oral. =o)

2003-03-29T21:42:00.000-08:00

I've been learning a lot lately. "About Life". Hah..sounds so weird. But it's true. Like lately, I got to know a "friend" a little bit more. Before this, i knew who she was and her name and all but never really really talked to her or anything. I use to 'categorize' her with the ' smart' people. And i really don't like smart people. Maybe it's because in primary school, all the smart ones would group together, and normally they were very snobbish. And i really didn't like them. I promised myself that i would never become 'one of them'. So i wouldn't even mix around with them. (Not to say that the friends i hang out with are 'stoopid'. They're just not so 'studious') Just in case i became like them. Oh, and also so that they would look down on me.
So, back to my point. I didn't talk much to this Friend of mine, cause she was smart and was considered to be in the 'smart' group. But this year, like i said before, i just don't care what people think anymore. And i found out that this "Friend" is really nice. Then slowly i began talking more to the people that i considered to be 'snobbish'. And found out that they were very nice people too. I guess it wasn't them who were critisizing me, but the other way around. I hope they don't blame me. =o)
This "Friend" if mine just told me the other day that she was having some problems. And she was going to see the doctor. I really hope everything is fine. She's really touched me. She has also given me a chance to find out that i was wrong about smart people like herself =o) before it was too late. So i really thank her. If she ever reads this, i just want her to know that she's brighten up my day.

2003-03-28T02:24:00.000-08:00

Has been raining for a very long time today.Kindda puts you in a dull mood.
I got my Accounts paper back. Did quite well. Better than i expected. =o) I wanted to drop Accounts at 1st.'Cause i didn't like it when i was learning it in Form 3. But now, i guess it's alright. =o)
Been quite busy lately. Maybe not 'physically' busy but mentally. Been thinking about so many stuff. Especially about the 'Environmental Awareness Champaign' that's coming up. The Form 5s left the whole thing to me. Lucliky i have other people to help me. But it's still a heavy duty. Have to make sure that everyone is doing their job. And that everything is ready by next week. And also having to get lists and papers ready for the Squash club, AND most of all having to do corrections for my tests paper. I actually enjoy organizing stuff and all, but jus the thought of having to finish my homework in time as well is quite 'disturbing'. Hehehe..I guess i just have to learn.
I really admire those you can do so well in their exams as well as be so active in school. I am trying to do that.Just hope i don't have to fail all my papers to find out that i can't do it. I'll just do my best.
Another thing that's on my mind as well is, I suddenly feel lonely. Don't know why i suddenly feel this way. Maybe it's just a feeling that come and goes. But surprisingly it doesn't bother me. Seems like I can still have fun without having to feel 'wanted' or 'popular' or 'like'. Maybe that's called growing up. I remember feeling to insecure last time. Like i would have to have people around me. And i had it in my head that i could only have fun if my friends were around. Now, it's like, "Who cares what other people think, as long as I'm happy and enjoying myself." =o) Of course my friends influence me. I still feel down when they are down. And i also feel extra happy when they are happy. They are still VERY important to be. But at least now i don't have to depend on them to 'live' my life. Now I'm just ME.... =o)

2003-03-24T02:45:00.000-08:00

Quite a nice day today.Just created this blog so that i could remeber my days.=o)
Today,i failed my Chemistry paper.=o( It wasn't such a surprise to me.I didn't put my hope too high maybe.But it was still a blow-off.Been a while since i've failed any paper.But what the heck.It's only the 1st test.I'll be able to do better next time.(I hope)
My birthday's coming up. And my Mom has asked me what i want for my birthday.She's never ever asked me this question before.So it's really special to get this 'offer'.I think she was thinking of getting me a gold bracelet.Since she didn't get me anything for my PMR results(not that i expected anything). But what i actually want is a handphone. I tried bringing it up. She told me she'll never get me a handphone.She doesn't believe in handphones for youngsters. Says it's a waste of money since it needs to be paid for every month. But the main reason i want a handphone is not to 'SMS'. But so that whenever i go out with my friends, i don't get the she-wants-to-use-my-hanphone-again look. It's so troublesome and embarassing for me to keep on borrowing my friends' handphone s to call out.Or to get phone calls from me parents. The more i think about it the more i want a handphone. It's really bugging me man.*sigh*
After trying to convince her,she didn't give me a final answer (as always). Maybe it means 'Yes'. But then again maybe it's just her way of letting me down in a nice way. Whatever it is,i'll just have to find out later.